Will That Redeem Us, Uncle Remus?

Just keep your nose to the grindstone they say…..

Happy Zappadan!

Jim Inhofe: Idiot, Asshole, Whore

Idiot, Asshole, Whore

I’ll never forget the first time I met Jim Inhofe. It was emblematic of everything he stands for. I was playing a soccer match on an Oklahoma select team (Green Country United) against the national champion u-12 club team from Sweden, Skanor Falsterbo, punctuated during the pre-game and halftime of a Tulsa Roughnecks game (I think they were playing the Chicago Sting, captained by the Italian great Chinaglia). Inhofe had never even seen a soccer game, and of course his pasty ass kids never played the game–which was quite hot in Tulsa, mostly driven by the large ethnic populations from the Middle East, Africa, Europe, and Latin America (you know, Iranian rednecks and shit). Tulsa had the best team in the NASL, and we won the Soccer Bowl if not that year, the year after (I can’t remember). The Roughneck’s secret was a bunch of super strong Yugoslavian guys, and  the Iranian great Iraj Danifard. Most teams were using all their salary to pay old retirees like Chinaglia, Beckenbauer, and Pele (who is a nice guy, I’ve met him twice…another story), and the rest of their rosters never measured up.

It was 105f in Tulsa, and probably pushing 120 on the astroturf field at Skelly Stadium. The Swedish kids were dying, and we were able to hang with them that game. I played central midfield and had a couple of game saving assists and two good shots on goal. Our old German coach, Walter Schnorr, did an awesome job of keeping us fresh against the much superior Swedes. After a substitution, I get back to the bench fucking dying, and it’s full. On the bench sat Tulsa Mayor, Jim Inhofe, and a couple of his worthless loser kids. So, either we were supposed to stand, or what, sit on the 125 degree astroturf? So some fuckhead and his kids could spectate at a game they’d never even seen, even though this joker was mayor of the town whose professional team was averaging 20,000 spectators per game, and was poised to win the premiere championship of the sport in the USA…..I actually told one of his loser kids to move over, and I just sat down in a pile of sweat right next to him, and then all those worthless fucking pansy ass Republicans got up and left (eewwww, Daddy, some dirty smelly Iranian kid just sat down next to me!!!! Ewwwww!!!). Fuckheads. We tied Skanor Falsterbo in that game, though they kicked our asses in the second game of the series.

Ah, but Inhofe wasn’t finished. After bankrupting a mid-sized insurance firm, he became a high priced whore for the oil industry. This enabled him to move on from being a failed mayor and a failed businessman and into the U.S. House of Representatives. Inhofe never met an issue he wouldn’t sell out on. You wanna Christian Right dipshit? Inhofe’s your man!!! Of course, Inhofe has no real bone fides for right wing Christianity. He is a non-practicing Presbyterian. You need someone who will deny global warming? Inhofe’s your man!!! The guy is pure sleaze. He’s mostly portrayed as being  the dumbest person in the Senate; and, while that may be true, people don’t get the main issue. He’s a whore. He doesn’t care if what he says is false and ridiculous. It’s what he’s being paid to say. So, it doesn’t  matter that the entire planet is making fun of him.  Ain’t this boogie a mess? The crux of the biscuit, is the apostrophe.

Oral Roberts Is Dead, Stay Tuned for Resurrection

Can you give me 5, hundred dollars....for Jeeeesus

Oral Roberts, the classic televangelist, complete with brown suit, and blonde wife who took phone calls, has died. Oral Roberts was a pioneer in removing money from imbeciles using his “seed faith” theology.  Basically, it worked a lot like Jack in the Beanstalk, you buy some seeds from Oral, and the gods give you a goose that lays golden eggs. Or, at least, you (and all the other idiots) buy Oral a giant ugly “university”  (plated in gold, no less) full of wackjob Christianists. And, of course, the University glorifies His name.

I grew up in Tulsa, and most in my family and Assembly of God church (where I once captained the Bible Quiz Team) assumed I would go to ORU and become a televangelist. I saw Oral preach live several times, and “met” him on a couple of occasions. He truly was one of the greats. I witnessed Oral doing the tag team side by side with Pentecostal star Katherine Kuhlman, and I hazily recall seeing Oral get in on with Jimmy Swaggart once as well. Being good Oklahoma Pentecostals, we had season tickets to Oral Roberts’ basketball games. That was back in the 1970s, before Oral and the rest of the morons figured out that “Titans” are Greek gods…which would be paganism, or such. They later changed the name to the “Golden Eagles.”

Oral Roberts University has spawned all manner of Christianist cretins. Indeed, their numbers include Ted Haggard, Michelle Bachmann, Kenneth Copeland, Ron Luce, and a host of other Christian Nationalist scumbags. People who look to established denominations or specific creeds (like “apostolic reformation”) and shit like that don’t understand the flexibility and diversity of far right wing American Christianity. Oral started out Baptist, but that didn’t stop him from going to Phillips College, which is Disciples of Christ (and “liberal” for Oklahoma). And, it didn’t dissuade him from embracing Pentecostalism when that became the cool thing to do. Indeed, back in the late 1960s and early 1970s, Oral wasn’t sure which way to go, and he made overtures to the United Methodists!!! You won’t see that in many other obituaries, but I swear to fucking sheep it is true. In the end, Oral wouldn’t submit to anyone else’s authority, so the merger was off. Oral tried to avoid politics on a grand scale, though he did some down dirty dog local political actions when it helped his enterprises. But, far right wing politics doesn’t have to be explicit in American conservative Christianity. Everyone else is going to hell, and you shouldn’t even live in the same neighborhoods with them, much less vote for them.

In the end, Oral’s two major failings were his insatiable greed, and his huge ego. First, he built a giant, cock-shaped clusterplex, in which he put his “medical school” which never got accredited. And, yes, he put his giant Praying Hands in front of the Giant Cock of Tulsa. Amazing, eh, a bunch of fundies who don’t believe in science can’t front a med school. So, the med school went down the shitter, and then there was the not so small matter of a 60 story building flanked by two 15 story buildings (I shit you not, there is a giant prick in South Tulsa). It’s still mostly empty, and has passed hands several times since Oral managed to finally unload it on some suckers. The mismanagement cost him his rather successful law school (what with Anita Hill on the faculty, and Michelle Bachmann an alum!), which he wound up selling to Pat Robertson–who renamed it Regent Law School, the outfit responsible for many of the bright minds who have argued that torture and indefinite incarceration without charges, trial, or Habeaus Corpus are perfectly fine according to Jesus, which is even better than the Constitution.

After that, Oral’s brain was clearly toast and he made an even worse decision, to try to rehabilitate his loser son Richard into his successor. The ultimate vanity, blood succession. The problem is, Oral actually had some beliefs, however distorted, perverse, and subject to change based on what will make him more money. Richard is one of the most insincere and incompetant people in all of televangelism. Without that name, he’d be nothing. He was most well known around Tulsa for getting busted for drunk driving, drugs, and having sex with floozies in public places. I think he even dated my sister. Hopefully, in  a couple of decades, the ministry and “university” will go broke, and they’ll turn most of it over to Tulsa Community college, and turn the rest into a park. Nice campus, once you get past the praying hands…

Big difference here….Dweezil has talent….

Tiger is Twelve Inches!

12 inches long, slimy, and loves dark dirty holes!

I’d be getting a huge amount of web traffic now days if I had themed my blog around my beloved pet, Tiger. 12inchtiger. Slimytigerfootlong.  Tigerlovesdarkdirtyholes.  Alas, I lack the photographic talent or drive to have properly done so. You start looking at those Herp blogs and those people are fucking serious photographers.

Tiger was a fine specimen of Ambystoma Tigrinim, the largest terrestrial salamanders in the world. Tiger was nearly a foot long when I found him. I was out on a long, cold bike ride and there was Tiger barely moving and stuck in a clod of dirt in the middle of a road in rural Jackson County on a dry day in early December with the temp sitting below freezing. Something was wrong with that. Obviously, he’d been dug up and had jumped out of the back of a flatbed truck or even out of the top of a dumper. I put him in my jacket pocket and rode my regular route to a vineyard, and then back home. I couldn’t believe it! Ever since I was a little kid I’d always wanted a Tiger! He was a little messed up, but he recovered just fine.

Tiger lived for four and a half years after that, and topped out over 13 inches when he finally croaked this summer. I’m still bummed. I don’t think I’d take another out of the wild under different circumstances (Tiger was a goner if I didn’t grab him), and Tigers are great pets. All they need are dark dirty holes. Any dark dirty hole will do. You can’t expect Tiger’s to stay out of dark dirty holes, or to even be able to live without them. You never see Tiger unless you pull him out of the dark dirty hole, which you should only do to clean the cage, or maybe put him in the water dish once in a while. They must spend all day, and most of the night, in dark dirty holes. Or else they die.

The Myth of the Tolerant Young Evangelical

I loved Evangelicalism: the cuming generation

I just can’t take it anymore. Everywhere you look there is some pithy story about how wonderful and tolerant the new generation of evangelicals is. They care about the poor, and the sick, and refugees, and they help the homeless, and they even are reaching out to…the gays! Yes, we should just pick them up and hug them, invite them into the progressive coalition; or, what the fuck, let’s just let these asshats run the country!

Of course, people said that about the LAST generation of “evangelicals” over twenty years ago!  You know, Ted Haggard, Richard Land, Dick Warren, guys like that. And, look how they turned out. Teabaggers, birthers, Palin supporters, staunch fans of Bush and Cheney, strong advocates of global war against the Muslims,  cheerleaders for  torture for brown people, global warming deniers;  and, they helped convert large chunks of Africa to their variant of far right wing Christianity, and now their African brethren are killing witches, homosexuals, Muslims, tribalists, the occasional albino…..I have a hard time not cold cocking the little pansies when they talk about their African “missions”.

Unfortunately, despite constant war for the last decade the GSS did not ask a question about support for the war against Islam. But, I can examine something about the claim that the new generation of sectarian Protestants are somehow tolerant on civil rights for gays and lesbians. Much of this is in a paper which is suffering from conservative Christian rejection syndrome, and one of the claims these asshole young evangelical reviewers commonly make when they review articles is that “everyone knows that younger evangelicals are just like everyone else.” Bullshit.

In the 2006-2008 GSS, among normal people born after 1965, 54.5% support extending marital rights to gays and lesbians, while 19.4% strongly disagree with marital rights. Among devotees of sectarian Christian denominations, the “young evangelicals” only 29.8% support marital rights, while 43.7% “Strongly disagree.”  To put that in perspective, there is more support for same sex marriage among non-sectarians from the cohorts of people born before 1925, 34.2% of whom support marriage rights for same sex couples, and only 38% express strong disapproval. So, young evangelicals are significantly less tolerant than are non-evangelicals from the World War II generation.

Second Miracle of Zappadan, Hookers save the Planet!

Is that a real maid's dress, or is that a Sears maid's dress....

Unfortunately, Jim Inhofe and other Christianist and Islamist global warming deniers will be all over this….They need to check ID’s and make sure the delegates are “good” people.

From the Telegraph:

“And this being Scandinavia, even the prostitutes are doing their bit for the planet. Outraged by a council postcard urging delegates to “be sustainable, don’t buy sex,” the local sex workers’ union – they have unions here – has announced that all its 1,400 members will give free intercourse to anyone with a climate conference delegate’s pass. The term “carbon dating” just took on an entirely new meaning.”
Of course, for a $20 Frank would go to workin’:

Zappadan, 2009

Frank wouldn't fuck me, but Barak would

Ah yes, in time with the SURGE to permanent global war, proving once again that we are Dumb All Over, it is time to celebrate the season of Zappadan! The onset of Zappadan coincides with my mother’s birthday, not coincidentally. So, I was busy talking with her about the first miracle of Zappadan, which was the death of a televangelist. While the miracle occurred before the official onset of Zappadan, since the televangelist was my mother’s minister and she was born on Bummernacht before it was a bummer (indeed, before Frank was even born), then clearly it is a miracle of Zappadan. Notably, said televangelist also once told a grieving widow that her husband wasn’t healed of cancer by Jesus because he didn’t have enough faith. I can only hope that there will be many more miracles. After all, Frank got kicked by prostate cancer at the tender age of 50 something, so we can only hope that some right wing child molesting, porta-potty dick sucking, sexually harassing their secretary motherfucking christianist dipshits might be smote down by the gods, or at least be extirpated from the public scene by revelation of their predilections.

The Breast Business

It is a little known fact that I dabbled in medical sociology for a while. It wasn’t my fault. Baqar Husaini at TSU twisted my arm and got me involved in several of his projects. If the grant money hadn’t dried up in under the Bush Regime (which had no interest in the study of racial disparities in health), I may still have some research in this arena.

I’m happy to see Barbara Ehrenreich weigh in on the issue of the shift in guidelines for mammography. The wacko left, far right, and the generally clueless hypochondriac crowd is all aflutter about the supposed radical shift in testing guidelines for mammography. For the political types (right and left) the contention is that this is a way to save money for the insurance companies (left) or federal socialist medicine (right). For the loonie hypochondriacs, its just meant to kill women. In reality, research has been suggesting that our protocols were off kilter for more than a decade. The dominant opinion in 1999–when I was writing grants about health education programs for breast cancer mitigation for minority populations–was that the guideline should be 50 years old. Many also suggested testing only every two years until age 60. That was TEN years ago. This is not a sudden shift.

Have you ever seen a mammogram? Unless there is some honkin’ tumor, they don’t show shit. And, the younger the patient, the worse the mammogram looks (lots of fibrous tissue, as they say). If there is a small aggressive cancerous lesion, you are not going to find it on a mammogram. Worse yet, as Ehrenreich notes, MANY breast cancers are not prone to metastasize, and yet they are often treated with extreme medical aggression (including radical chemo, radiation, and proactive mastectomies!). Yet, in reality, many of those cancerous tumors could easily be removed and treated with minimal invasion or procedure.

The same is true in spades for prostate cancer. The more than decade old consensus is now that you should get checked, some (finger up the ass variety). But that PSA’s and that stuff is about as good as going to a witch doctor. And, Bob Dole could probably still have his nads had he not been treated under the old radical regime. If you look hard enough, most old farts are “living with prostate cancer”. And, it won’t make them die anytime sooner to leave it be than if you’d chop off their nuts and dick and give them chemo.

http://www.alternet.org/reproductivejustice/144320/ehrenreich%3A_the_pink-ribbon_breast_cancer_cult

Retard is also a Verb

Gotta Love Jim Wright for having the nads to header my paper with what it should have been titled….

Social Science Research
Volume 39, Issue 1, Pages 1-186 (January 2010)

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/issue/7152-2010-999609998-1558245

War on Islam 12.6

I Can't get enough of your love....

Barack Hussein Obama just loves him some surge. After all, you can’t just declare victory and go home. No, we’ve gotta make sure that every American in the National Guard does at least six tours of duty in Iraq and/or Afghanistan. I mean, hell, they signed up didn’t they. And, it’s not like they’re rich kids or anyone  the beltway elite cares about. Nobody gives a fucking shit about some bunch of lower middle class people who wanted to minimize their student loans and better themselves. They deserve to die. And, we’re going to give them every opportunity to do so. Indeed, we’ll make sure that they’ll want to just kill themselves! Because, this is the cause of Jesus Fucking Christ. To battle the demonic Muslim Hordes. Of course, some substantial percentage of absolutely vital military personnel are Muslim, but fuck them. Indeed, they should be rooted out, and shot, or anally raped and shit like that. We’re a Christian nation, and our military should be a Christian Crusade against the forces of whatever the fuck the Christians say we’re against this week. Just ask Pat Robertson.

Twenty percent of Americans are unemployed or underemployed, and we’re spending five billion dollars a day on the Christian Crusades. I sure wish Obama  really was  building concentration camps for those motherfuckers, because they needs them some concentration.