Archive for December, 2008

Gun Control, it ain’t just for Rednecks



Yeeeee Haaaaaaw!!! With the last bit of credit eaked from the reverse mortgage on Grandma’s farm, this redneck got himself a nice little 50mm water cooled automatic islamahomocommie blaster! That’s great. His soon to be ex wife will be hawking that at a gun show as soon as her lawyer gets Bubba’s cold dead fingers from around the trigger. Bubba paid top dollar for that, as well he should. Shitfire, a decent semi-auto shotgun will set you back $500 if you shop around at gun shows and get lucky. Fully auto 50 caliber water cooled machine guns are gonna run you well over $5000. Well, unless you’re in Kabul or Basra or any other third world “hot spot”, where you can pick up a worn but functional Kalashnikov for $20. A mounted auto in 308 or 50 cal will run you a lot more, but you could certainly pick up a nice 50 cal mountable machine gun with a tripod and a stack of ammo for under $500. There’s all kinds of nice US and Soviet Bloc shit hanging on the streets of every third world country, because the US and the Soviets pumped arms into these places as part of the old peasant hurling plot of the “cold war.”  Nobody in any of these primitive locales could afford this kind of weaponry without subsidy. Only a handful of nations in the world have the sophistication and resources to produce weapons and ammunition–even for small arms. Fewer still can produce the truly devastating aerial and naval weapons capable of obliterating entire cities. Wow. ah…cool…um…why do we want to do that? Without subsidy from the US Federal Government, most arms would not be paid for (and thus would not be built).

    This week,  some of our heavily subsidized and most sophisticated weapons are now being used to bomb a bunch of poor, trapped ,virtual refugees in Gaza. Despite having no-doubt stolen the secrets, the Zionists can’t build an F-16, nor any of the accompanying armaments. Israel gets subsidized and free arms from the US, and it profits US firms hooked up to that good ole Military Industrial Complex that the good General Ike warned us about. The whole Afghan thing is incredible. Across that large geographic expanse, the most dangerous weapon held by any Afghani should be a single shot shotgun. And, that should be a prize possession. Instead, every dipshit in every podunk Afghan village has an AK-47 with a spare clip and an amount of ammo that would fetch more than his annual salary at an Oklahoma gun show.

You see, guns are forever. Non-rednecks often have a problem with this, and so the historical weight of the gun control issue is not clear to them. The guns that Ronny Raygun bought for the “Freedom Fighters” in Afghanistan are still more than operational. Unless a gun has been used constantly for systematic military or police training (where the rounds really do stack up), it can last for a century with only a few minor part swaps now and again. In my experience, people who don’t have much tend to take care of what they have. And, I can recall several pictures of Mujahadin with nice wool rifle covers to protect their babies from sand and dust.

Fortunately, F-16’s are a bit more tempermental, and it’s harder to stockpile the whizz-bang attachments for when you use up the first batch blowing up school girls. We shouldn’t sell F-16s to ANYONE. EVER. To sell an armament of such power to any non-US Goverment entity should be treason. Instead, we allow them to be sold to all sorts of primitive nations, and give them away to a hostile rogue state which is the source of much of our ill-will with the rest of the planet.

As any redneck will tell you, guns don’t kill people. People kill people. Well, people with guns kill people. And, people with guns kill more people than people with sticks.  People with F-16’s can kill shitloads of people. Way more than people with guns. A complete ban on US arms exports and contract exports would go a long way to reducing suffering.

You Are What You Is

Fred Shuttlesworth didn't reason with Bull Connor

Fred Shuttlesworth didn't reason with Bull Connor

 “But you know, segregation, you can’t shame segregation,  rattlesnakes don’t commit suicide. Ball teams don’t strike themselves out – you gotta put ’em out.”

One of the problems with liberal social movements in the US is that they are plagued with the unfounded belief that everyone has the same interests, and that consensus can be reached if we’d all just be nice and talk to one another. The view ignores the fact that societies are highly segmented, and what is a collective good for one group is a collective bad for another group. There can be no joint production of mutually exclusive oppositional goods. No amount of talk will change people’s interests. Interests are in conflict. And, when you’re in conflict, it’s a good idea to maybe try to fight back–preferably with comparable armaments. I had a little tiff with a guy once who was packing a 38 revolver and all I had was a tub of cottage cheese. Fortunately, he only hit me once before he ran out of bullets, and after that the Iranian Redneck doesn’t need cottage cheese to take out a nut with an unloaded gun. American liberals are always doing shit like that, confronted by gun wielding nut-jobs, they offer cottage cheese. Can’t we just talk? Surely we can all come to an agreement….NO. We Can’t. Someone is going to win and get their collective goods, and the opposition will lose and receive a collective bad.

Reverand Fred understood that. There was no consensus possible with Bull Connor and the rest of the White Citizens of the South. You gotta put em out.

Ah, the last day of Zappadan. I think I’ll shut up and play my guitar…

You Suck, Your Religion Sucks, Stop Breathing My Air….


Fat Bastard

Christianity,  the official religion of the United States of America, will now be supplied exclusively by fundamentalist megachurch nutjobs. In exchange for not voting for him, Barak Obama has chosen Dick Warren to be the official presider over his coronation. After all, we have to reach out to all types, reach across the aisle and reward the people who ruined not just our country, but most of the planet! We can show that we are tolerant, and that we can work through our differences.

I used to believe that kind of tolerance crap. I used to militantly defend right-wing Christian academics from a host of detractors. I wrote them letters of recommendation, helped them get jobs and grants, made passionate arguments for their tenure, and even bought them shots of tequila. Early on, they seemed to appreciate my evenhanded approach to scholarship, and they liked my work showing that sectarian denominations are growing, and that sectarians and Catholics go to church a lot, and they could use my black church stuff in their classes and look multicultural. Gradually, there came to be a sizable crew of professionally active scholars with conservative Christian commitments. The conservative Christians found themselves favored by religiously-hued research foundations, in part because most secular social scientists were uninterested in religion and leary of some of the foundations–so the pool of potential recipients for large sums of money was fairly small. The young Christians became emboldened by their newfound mainstream status, and, like ideologues of other types, began to reimagine  social institutions from the lens of their distinctive faiths. I didn’t agree with many of their interpretations, and my own work pointed to some rather negative things associated with conservative Christianity–like primitive childrearing practices (ASR 1993), low educational attainment (ASR 1997, JSSR 1999), gender inequalities  (JSSR 1999, RRR 2000), and low verbal ability (ASA 2007). They didn’t like it when I showed that gay men are really active in religion (JSSR 2002), or that large portions of Americans are uncommitted to religion (SF 2001), and close to 20% of Americans don’t believe in a “god” (Soc. Spectrum 2008).

The conservative Christians have now taken on a mission to cleanse the social sciences of work that places Christian religion in a negative light. I am more than just a little pissed off at some disingenuous reviews I have received on several recent papers, and I’ve seen it happen to several other scholars in anonymous reviews that have come back in reviewer packets (on very good papers, which have still not been  published).  The standard lines are things like “this doesn’t really address the big picture or capture the critical realistic connections between religion and anal sex”  “There is no theoretical justification for the operationalization of sectarian Protestants, and no reason to single this group out for scrutiny on cock sucking in public restrooms.”  The longer reviews go through the trouble to blatantly lie about supposed shortcomings—telling the editors what I did, and claiming I didn’t.  “The author should use an established measure such as Haggard et al to classify religious groups, that will establish more conceptual clarity on who is sucking whom.” 

What these people believe is that my children deserve to be tortured throughout eternity for masturbating or something, and certainly for not believing in their three “good” gods, one evil god, and minions of other supernatural beings (angels, demons, shit like that). Fuck y’all. I’ll tolerate you when you tolerate me. We are being told to unilaterally concede moral authority to a bunch of sick little monkeys. The religious wackjobs would fuck the rest of us in a second. It doesn’t matter if the venue is getting healthcare, seeking academic knowledge, or continuing an endless pogrom of religious holy wars. They will do whatever the fuck they want to us, because they have meaning and purpose, and we are meaningless and purposeless.  It’s a bad message to send to 20% of our nation and most of the rest of the world to glorify Christianity in official U.S. functions. It is even worse to glorify the Christianity adhered to by the most unthinking, unlearned, and radically prejudiced 20% of Americans.

The First Miracle of Zappadan



Frank would have loved this. Damn, too bad the Iraqi’s have always hated the Americans too much to take up baseball. Any Cuban journalist would have taken his head off from this distance. But, still, I count it as the first major miracle of Zappadan. Maybe the New York Times or the Washington Post will grow some nuts and give this guy a job, instead of hiring propagandist fascist punks like Kristol and Rove. Now, that would be a miracle.

Speaking of miracles of Zappadan, my buddy Jeff Williams is on a roll!!! Intellipunk with Humor certainly owes a tribute to Frank, and Jeff’s band NIL8 has some of the most powerful stuff going. Recently, Jeff predicted the incarceration of our little governor Blago. This adds to his prediction of the collapse of the economy, and his identification of Eliot Spitzer’s code number at ExpensiveProstitutesRUS. Positively visionary.

Religious Fanatics Killing People…

...but their book says "Revenge the Crusades..."

...but their book says

Man, these religious nutjobs just won’t give it a rest anywhere in the world. We got the Buddhists and Hindus going at it in Sri Lanka (expect a big hit there within the next week), Hindus and Christians hacking each other to death in India, Christians and Moslems going after each other and also slaughtering people with tribal beliefs in Nigeria. Hell, the Christian-Moslem violence in Nigeria killed more people in the last couple of days than the Muslim against all outpouring in Mumbai. Nobody cares, of course, because all the dead are really dark. You kill you a few Americans or Brits and it’ll make the news, eh? Great message to send, assholes.
     As an Iranian Redneck, I’ve found it a bit odd that a number of pundits and senior Indian officials (as well as those from other nations) have claimed that the attacks in Mumbai were “highly coordinated” and “executed by well trained soldiers” and shit like that. As Juan Cole notes, Hindu Fundies are using this mantra to drum up war against Pakistan (“somebody big must be behind it”). BULLFUCKINGSHIT!!!
    Details remain sketchy, but the siege lasted 60 hours, and reports allude to  “at least 10 men.” Current body count is 195. That’s pretty fucking lame. Getting beyond all the sentimentality that accompanies the deaths of innocent white people, 10 well trained commandos should be able to completely devastate a soft target like Mumbai. We’re talking unarmed people. 10 U.S. Marines or Israeli commandos would easily take out thousands under similar conditions, in the United States, English Literature Graduate Students have a much better kill rate. The Viginia Tech geek’s training consisted of masturbating in the library basement, and if they could have just matched his kills they’d have downed 320. Of course, a real redneck like Tim McVeigh would’ve taken out tens of thousands in a densely packed place like Mumbai. The Mumbai attack was done by a handful of stupid fucked-up religious kids with guns. They didn’t seem to have much else, or if they did they certainly didn’t know how to use them. No grenades? No small rockets? Jesus Fuck, you can get that shit at a gun show in the US. Pathetic fucking lot of terrorists these were. They had a vague plan, no “real” training, and they wandered around shooting people on their religious death march to avenge other religious atrocities.
     Real soldiers wouldn’t pull that kind of shit. We never saw that sort of carnage against the US or UK  in Iraq, primarily because the people who could really wreak havoc aren’t stupid enough to kill themselves. If it mattered, they would. But it doesn’t, so they won’t. It never would. Killing innocents is only a good strategy if you get to steal their stuff. It creates vendettas from other clans, tribes, religions, nations, and shit like that. Terrorism is the tactic of the stupid and untrained. Religious motherfuckers are into shit like that. Idealist nonsense justified by religious delusion trumps tactical wisdom every time.
    I guess it is a good thing this didn’t happen during the high holy days of Zappadan…We are dumb all over…