Archive for September, 2012

Kelly Dancer, my mirror, is gone

Kelly Dancer, free at last

Kelly Dancer, free at last

I didn’t have a normal childhood or adolescence. I entered kindergarten knowing how to read, write, add, subtract, multiply, divide, and balance simple chemical equations. I spent my first five years sitting in the back of class working on whatever the teacher game me to occupy my time. I skipped sixth grade and went to 7th with every intention of becoming a juvenile delinquent. I was wildly successful at the endevor, managing to do every kind of drug, get arrested several times, and kicked out of school five times—banished from Tulsa Public Schools for 10th grade and having to go to Bishop Kelley to avoid “Street School”.  Near the end of 11th grade, something clicked and I realized that if I ever wanted to make it on my own I needed to graduate high school and go to college. No small feat given that my GPA was probably 1.3 at the end of my Junior year.

I met Kelly Dancer through my old soccer buddy, Mark Fisk. Mark and Kelly were an inseparable pair, and both wound up going to Dartmouth after graduating from Memorial High. Senior year I tried to clean up a little and reclaim my place among the smart people in high school. Most of them wouldn’t give me the time of day, but Mark always knew that I had it, and Kelly and I became good friends despite being political opposites. Kelly was a proud, card-carrying member of the John Birch Society, and a rabid conservative. It was Model UN that really cemented my relationship with Kelly and Mark. I was an unstoppable force in Model UN, and the life of the party for our local and state competitions. I’d be drinking booze and smoking weed in the parking lot and then walk in and dominate the world. Among that small group of geeks, I was the cool guy–in the minds of a bunch of geeky teenagers.

Kelly and I started to hang out a lot before going to college, we’d drink and party. I introduced him to pot, which he didn’t like—but another friend introduced him to cocaine—which Kelly liked a lot. Kelly made a lot of money programming computers, and he had big contracts with Wal Mart to do their transitions to PC based platforms. He bought himself a new Camaro and paid cash. I even worked for him off and on helping with programming, but I wasn’t very good.  College was mostly a one year interruption in our friendship, Kelly quit Dartmouth after a year and moved back to Tulsa to make money. I always suspected that part of the rationale for quitting school was because he wanted to make money to buy coke. I had moved from the University of Oklahoma to the University of Tulsa, so Kelly and I were back together partying in Tulsa.

But, I wasn’t much into the party anymore. I was taking 18 hours a semester and working two or three jobs. I was on the fast track toward my goal of being a sociology professor. I was going to go to a top university for graduate school and become a professor at a research university. Kelly thought I was an idiot. Money was all that mattered and education is just fluff. Look at Bill Gates….Kelly began to drink more heavily. A party was no longer a few cases of beer, but a few cases and a giant bottle of Jack Daniels or Crown Royal. He gained a huge amount of weight, and didn’t seem to care. He had married (as had I), but it didn’t seem to have reduced his drive to party to excess. He became abusive towards friends, and I really didn’t have time for such childishness, and after a big incident at a party at our apartment, my now ex-wife said she didn’t want him around anymore–and I wasn’t going to disagree. I never saw him again.

I wanted to be just like Kelly. I remember being so envious of Kelly and Mark, going off to Dartmouth, and Emily Poe and Angela Graf heading to Rice. I barely graduated from high school and had to take night classes to do it. I almost lost that when an altercation with an administrator led to me being kicked out a month before graduation. But, they passed me anyway, and the University of Oklahoma had to let me in because of my ACT score. But I was so jealous. I had fucked up. I should have been going to a top school, and instead I was barely going to college. I wanted so much to be like Kelly and Mark. I guess Kelly wanted to be like me, permanently stoned and doing crazy shit. I feel guilty for exposing him to booze and drugs, and I’ve thought about that many times since Kelly quit Dartmouth.

I could tell Kelly was in a free-fall, and it would take a major rehab to turn his life around. I always hoped that would happen. This morning my old friend David Gieber dropped me a cryptic note to check the Tulsa obits. I should have known right away who it was. I think Dave was at the last party at our apartment. Kelly helped save me and pulled me out of my own freefall into the abyss, but he lost  his grip and fell. Nobody had to tell me how Kelly died. I’m sorry, Kelly, I’ll miss you brother.

Teabagging and the growth of assholes–white, black, and brown.

Proportion of assholes by year and race: GSS

Proportion of assholes by year and race: GSS

The Tea Bagging movement’s crowning achievement has been to resurrect virulent anti-communism into the American political discourse. Now, many real white Americans think that inequality is just fine and dandy, and they strongly disagree that the Gubmint should try to mitigate inequalities. Now, some might argue that this clueless mentality can only be sustained by smirking frat boys and sorority girls, however we should remember that fraternities recruit–and that it’s really easy to be an asshole when you are not suffering.

Above I chart the most virulent sentiment—strongly disagreeing that the gubmint should do something to reduce inequality. Given that inequality is at a historic high in the United States, such a sentiment is a valid measure of being an asshole. And, if the Tea Bagging Movement had an actual impact on the growth of assholes, then we should see this sentiment increase between 2008 and 2010. The question is whether or not being an asshole is restricted to real white Americans, or if blacks and browns can also be assholes!

Low and behold, data from our last surviving scientific public opinion poll (the GSS, duh) show that while about 15% of white Americans have always been assholes, in 2010 with the tea bagger movement confronting the communist Kenyan Muslim Homosexual Usurper this caused a 66% increase in the proportion of white assholes. Being an asshole is far less common among African Americans, but Herman Cain and the 9 9 9’s nearly doubled their numbers to 5%. The Browns also got into the tea bagging act, what with Bobby Jindal and Nikki Haley and all, brown assholes increased from only 2.4% to over 8% of brown (not real) Americans.  Still, white assholes are five times as prevalent as black assholes, and whites are three times as likely to be assholes compared to brown assholes—proportionately, of course. And, since whites are the majority, that’ s a lot of white assholes!  Just not enough to elect Newt Romney to be our first non-Christian President.

No Kidding? Childlessness and the Obama Vote


Obama Vote for over 50 white men and over 45 white women

Obama Vote and Completed Fertility for White Men and Women

The war against women is also a war against all people who have family forms that fall outside of the primitive prescriptions of bronze age goat fuckers. Women must submit to their husbands AND have a bunch of babies, because the only reason you should ever be having sex (which is yucky and evil) is for the creation of god-conscious children (just like in the Hare Krishna!). All other sex is evil. We need to outlaw abortion, birth control, homosexuality, and masturbation to bring women back under the boot of patriarchy.

But, in REAL AMERICA, where most people fornicate and beat off and shit like that, 15% of Americans never have children. Yet still they fuck and stuff. If they are married, obviously their “family” is inferior and undeserving of recognition, and if they are single or gay or both, then they are clearly disturbed people who should be locked up in Gitmo and not allowed to vote or run for office or hold jobs or speak their mind about why they don’t have patriarchal heterosexual marriages like conservative Christians (well, until the conservative Christian woman finally dumps her limp patriarch and goes on welfare with her four children….).

And, the politicization of family and sexuality  isn’t lost on people who choose to remain childless. Above I chart the Obama vote by number of children for white men over age 50 and white women over age 45—about the end of fecundity for most women, and any man who has a child for the first time over the age of 50 is a nutjob and will certainly die at age 53.  Not surprisingly, an overwhelming majority of childless people supported Obama against Sarah Palin, and there is no real gender difference. Gender differences appear for people with one child–with women being more likely to choose the Kenyan—and one-child women are about the same as childless women in their voting. At two kids, we see women gravitating towards Sarah Palin—but having more than two kids doesn’t have much impact on voting for women, though men’s preferences for Palin continue to increase with number of children.

Unfortunately, as Robert Kaufmann points out this does not bode well for the future for white liberal voting, unless we can convert all of those Palins to liberalism—fat chance given that they’re being indoctrinated by their parents, and Jesus Schools, and the far right is seeking to eliminate all secular education. Still, when those kiddies grow up and start masturbating and fornicating they may change their opinion about baby Jesus loving them if he’s gonna send them to hell for a little sex.


Sun Myung Moon, 1920-2012—-the Next Joseph Smith!



He’d have had a shot at Jesus if he would have kicked in ’72.

Certainly the most important event in religion in 2012 is the death of Sun Myung Moon, founder of the Unification Church, Author of the Divine Principles, and some kind of a god, I suppose, if you believe in fairies and shit and happen to believe in him. Moon was clearly another bipolar psychotic who created a religion based on his own divine superiority and that of his family. It loosely syncretized from varied traditions, but more heavily on Christianity than any of the others. Moon was a classic megalomaniac manipulator, but he arrived at the perfect time and place for building a base for a new religious movement. His overtures to right wing Christianity and the anti-communist movement made him a favored cultural icon in the eyes of U.S. imperialists and South Korean elites—both of whom favored religious nutjobs like Moon and Cho to political movements which may have led Koreans to actually understand their interests. The opening up of the US in 1965 after the repeal of the Oriental Exclusion acts was a boon and a bust for Moon. He gained access to the US, but he never did very well here, and it made him seem like the nutjob cult leader that he was in the eyes of the public. Had he stayed in Korea and focused the movement on that, we’d be talking about Moonies the same way we do about Mormons—as if they are a different form of Christianity. And, if Moon had died at the height of his accomplishments for conversion–and before unseemliness arose to the public eye—he could have easily become a messianic figure. He still may, but I’m betting that the Moonies and the Mormons will be similarly sized movements in the next century—with Moonies holding sway in Asia and Mormons mostly confining themselves to portions of North America. If only someone had crucified him…..