Archive for September, 2009

Teabagging the Anti-Christ, and Jimmy Carter Knows Redneck

I still have Lust in my heart

I still have Lust in my heart

Jimmy Carter was the second best President of the 20th Century, despite being screwed over by Congress and the Fed— who did everything they could to make him look bad. If we did what Carter had proposed, every car would get 50mpg, we’d have mass transit in all major US cities, rehabs instead of prisons, and peace in the Middle East.

And, it is an undeniable fact that Jimmy Carter is a redneck. A real one. He’s a farm boy from Bumfuck Georgia. He may be a rich farm boy, but he can drive a tractor, and has killed chickens and pigs and shit like that. And Carter attended and was very active in an all white Southern Baptist Church all of his formative years and much of his adult life in an era of emboldened racism in this subcultural community.  And, gods damn it, if anyone knows about racism, it’s a good Christian redneck!  Jimmy Fucking Carter says that when some punk , cracker-ass, sissy -fuck, worthless-rich,  Son of the Confederacy, KKK, motherfucker shouts out “You Lie” to an African American President of the United States of America,  what the redneck  really means is “Nigger, Nigger, Nigger!” Anyone arguing this point with Carter just doesn’t understand redneck.

Fun times out here in the religion and politics world, what with all of the Christians awaiting the apocalypse and contemplating whether Jesus will return to slay the evil anti-Christ Barack Hussein Obama, or if Obama will be stricken in some other manner by the power of the Lord  (or maybe the Holy Spirit will pull this one off, he likes killing people).  But, of course, many in this subcultural identity group are more circumspect. They think that perhaps Barack Hussein Obama is not the anti-Christ, but it’ll probably instead be one of his kids. The cute one, Malia, or whatever, probably.

I wonder what the supposedly housebroken “evangelicals” are doing these days? Are they off at 9-12 rallies as well? Protesting the Anti-Christ? Opposing health care for people who can’t afford it? Jesus fuck,   I’m interested in hearing the contorted arguments from affluent “evangelicals”. But, the usual suspects seem silent on health care for the less advantaged.

Instead, Christian Sociology is off whining about how awful it is that women no longer submit to the marriage proposal of someone who made an agreement with her father. Yes, the demise of courting is now a lamentation of the religious right. After all, you wouldn’t think they’d use their religion to contemplate protracted war, or poverty, or environmental devastation or something? No, the most serious problem is that unmarried people are having sex. Not teenagers, mind you. Oh no.  Grown adults are actually having sexual relations before marriage. And, often, young adults don’t marry their partners in fornication, but instead move on to a partner they find more compatible. Delaying marriage means having sex before marriage. Oh. How. Awful. Because, of course, sex is yucky and horrible–not to mention evil and sinful—and any woman  who has had sex before marriage is defiled, and unbefitting of marriage, or even rape! (I swear to fucking sheep that I’ve heard a Jesus freak nutcase forcefully proclaim that a fellow student was worthy of rape). And, worse yet, we wouldn’t want women checking out the package and deciding for herself, now, would we? I guess that depends on what you’re packing…

Our little Christian pseudosociologists imagine a world where single people have sex with everyone they meet, and fornicate with no goal of a permanent relationship. That little fantasy ain’t happenin’ (the one with them sucking some cock in a porta-potty might). In the real world, normal adults have caring relationships, which include sex. Sex is typically conducted in a responsible fashion, using modern methods of birth control and hygiene, and the occasional sex toy.  The religious right is condemning the normal and quite functional sexual lifestyles of most Americans, and some wackjob sociologists are the biggest cheerleaders!

Wonderful. Why? Well, the base reason is about women, of course. When you are a Christian Redneck you learn that women are incapable of doing many important tasks, and can’t do any of the essential tasks of society (whatever those may be, nobody knows). And, women are commanded by the gods to obey their men. If they do, things will go smoothly. If not, the woman must be punished. If the woman does what she is told, she may be admonished by a grateful master, and she’ll feel that warm fuzzy feeling of enchanted gratitude. Christian Patriarchy! Jesus fucking shit. If you had told me when I was an undergrad in the 1980s that half of the tenured faculty in my area of sociology were going to be unabashed supporters of Christian Patriarchy I would have switched majors to zoology and studied the genetic foundations of polymorphisms in midwestern Lampropeltis Getula.

Of course, unlike our fake sociologists. Jimmy Carter actually engages in critical reflection on his religious commitments. Indeed, Jimmy gave the Southern Baptist Convention the finger in 2000 over their increasingly hostile stance towards women’s rights, and their demand that women obey their husbands. I guess that means he’s not an “evangelical” anymore. You can’t be an “evangelical” and support egalitarian relationships or anything like that, can you?