Archive for December, 2011

The Eruption of Jesus Freak Idiocy


A recent activist reviewer made me tone down a sentence in my recent SSQ paper on scientific literacy. Originally, I said that Jindal “railed” against volcano monitoring. In the final, he only lobbied against it. What do you think? Hardly the meekest “rail” I’ve ever seen from the idiot shit jesus freak who believes in demon possession but not in global warming….

You ain’t even number 2, get it?: The Many Miracles of Zappadan


First, after three days, neither Vaclav Havel nor Christopher Hitchens rose from the dead. Yet, Jon Bon Jovi died and came back to life. Wow! Who’d ah thunk that! I was kind of hoping for a televangelist death, but we missed that this year. And, of course, the Iraq war was once again officially declared to be over! Of course, the commitment to the war against Islam was reaffirmed, and anyone who wants to bitch about it can be spirited away to Gitmo. But that only demonstrates the conceptual continuity of being dumb all over. As the holy days of Zappadan come to a close we must remember:

Those Jesus Freaks, well they’re friendly, but,

The shit they believe has got their minds all shut,

Eat that pork, eat that ham, laugh ’til you choke on Billy Graham,

Moses Aaron and Abraham, they’re all a waste of time,

and it’s your ass that’s on the line….


Do what you want to, do what you will, just don’t mess up your neighbor’s thrill

and when you pay the bill, kindly leave a little tip, to help the next poor sucker on his one way trip….

Plastic People Paradise


Take a Day and Walk Around
Watch the Nazis run your Town
Then go home and check yourself
You think we’re singing, about someone else?

Plastic people is the first Zappa song I listened to. My old friend Harlan Harris, who wound up being the gay kid on the block, turned me on to Zappa when I was just a kid. This was a real favorite. Funny how it inspired not only freak kids in nowhere USA, but also political icons like Vaclav Havel, who led the Velvet Revolution in Czech, and who died today. Havel was a huge Zappa fan and even made Frank a cultural liaison in the transition government. Frank played one of his last concerts in Prague.

Terry Bozzio blows his baby snake’s wad



As the Zappadan holiday continues, it’s important to get more hard core. To fathom the depths of Zappanistan, and to roll in the infinite terpsicorian ejecumenti of the season.

Bozzio was/is the best drummer in rock and roll, and this one is just a fuck you to everyone else. Looky what I can do, while singing. And, he looks good in  a speedo on top of that. Unfortunately, that netted him that new wave woman who completely derailed his career….


I thought I was a man, but I was a muffin….



That time of year. Trying not to be a muffin. Must be hard. Harder than your husband. Too, get along, with. Muffins. Soft. Thought I was a man. But I was a…..

Holy baby snakes.

Shut Up!



On average, bands back then were lucky to stumble onto the stage and puke out whatever….A very few actually tried to raise the bar, Zappa was the bar holder.


Zappa Family Values….Will that redeem us?


The first weekend of Zappadan is always hard. The holidays are stressful, and with all of the fitful activity of Black Napkins Friday, then the Day In the Dark, Where all the Shark Bubbles Blow, and the Festivities of the First Day of Zappadan, you can get yourself into a bummer. But, Bummin’s for losers baby. What, you gonna be a Suicide Chump? No. time to get back to business. Zappa was only in it for the product, not the pay. This interview with Steve Vai is classic. Zappa wanted the best and he busted their asses to perform at the top. The worst thing in the world is being strictly commercial. But, that doesn’t mean you slough-off and tighten your headband for an extra rush during Jerry’s guitar solo. No. You put your nose to the grindstone…will that redeem us? Probably not, but at least you won’t be a fucking worthless self-absorbed loser.

And, these kids are working…

A Zappadan Truism: It’s hard to be good and good to be hard


Zappa making fun of the Dead and country music and disco and coke whores and punkers…and kids who eat all of their halloween candy and puke…and televangelists, religious nutjobs, and warmongers….One of my favorite albums….a real work of art.

Zappadan Requiem: The Zombie Walks among us…..And the First Miracle of Zappadan!


Zappadan is all about the undead. And this is Steve Vai at his best….And, today, I thought I was dead but wasn’t. After partying like a non-Zappa-band- rock star and feeling and looking like I was among the undead,  I managed one of the best bike racing results in the last five years. Why? THE FIRST MIRACLE OF ZAPPADAN! IRANIANREDNECK FINISHES IN THE TOP 10 IN THE 3’S….

On Zappadan Eve, give me your dirty love….



Give me your dirty love for Zappadan, baby.