Archive for August, 2008

Brokeback Mountain MegaChurch



Great, both presidential candidates are giving hand jobs to a pathetic closeted queen who thinks he’s the face of some kind of new tolerant militant Christianity. Tolerant and Militant don’t work together, sissy boys.  Both candiates met with Rick Warren, the “pastor” of Saddleback Church, a pillar of the National Evangelical Association, headed by Ted Haggard until his unfortunate outings with meth and dick sucking. Warren is supposed to be new and open minded, because he wears Birkenstocks and Hawaiian shirts. His book “The Purpose Driven Life” is a wonderul piece of exclusivist hate mongering disguised as an appeasement to modernity. The argument isn’t novel, nor tolerant, arguing that conservative Christians have purpose an meaning in their lives, while those with other faiths or no religious commitments do not. Gee, so, they have purpose and meaning, and we don’t. Their lives have value, driven by their purpose, of course, which is Jesus H christ, of course. And, well, gee, I guess those heathen non-christians have no purpose, and no value. I wonder how long it will be before these assholes have all of us valueless, purposeless, heathens rounded up to be ground into soylent green, or turned into biodiesel for their Hummers?

Seriously, how is this Rick Warren, or any other pseudo-hippy megachurch Jesus Freak, any different from Richard Land, an arch conservative in charge of the cultural wing of the Southern Baptist Convention? Warren is supposedly liberal because he believes in anthropogenic global warming; So does Land, and all but a handful of oil company shils. Warren is liberal because he doesn’t hate black people; Neither does Land. I know Richard Land pretty well, he’s genuinely embarrassed about racism. He was one of the first to call for an SBC apology for slavery, and I think he meant it. Warren is supposedly liberal because he wants to eliminate global poverty, and support anti-aids efforts in Africa. Ditto Land, insofar as we’re talking about non-birth control related efforts, of course. Africa is a big draw for the fundies, as Christianity and Islam snap up tribalists and then send them into civil war for total domination. Gee, that’s real Christian (and Islamic!).

Rick Warren also agrees with the likes of Richard Land, Pat Robertson, Ted Haggard, James Dobson, and the rest of the fundamentalist warriors on issues like civil rights for people who have same sex relations. They think that your sex life should determine the types of jobs you can hold, whether or not you can marry, have children, or discern the future of your own property! Wow, that’s not the kind of conservatism I learned about in Political Science 320, sounds more like premodern theocracy. Of course, birth control, stem cell research, and potentially many other scientific endevors and medical procedures will need to be approved by the Taliban Council. After all, who are you going to trust, a bunch of doctors and their patients, or a bunch of fat effeminate, old, white Christian guys? 

Far be it for an Iranian Redneck like me to stereotype, but why is it that these guys who wake up in the morning all worked up about punishing women for having sex and thinking about homosexuality as the most serious threat to our planet seem to have inordinate concern about their personal appearance,  wear fancy clothes and shoes, and look just more than a tad sissy like?