You ain’t even number 2, get it?: The Many Miracles of Zappadan

First, after three days, neither Vaclav Havel nor Christopher Hitchens rose from the dead. Yet, Jon Bon Jovi died and came back to life. Wow! Who’d ah thunk that! I was kind of hoping for a televangelist death, but we missed that this year. And, of course, the Iraq war was once again officially declared to be over! Of course, the commitment to the war against Islam was reaffirmed, and anyone who wants to bitch about it can be spirited away to Gitmo. But that only demonstrates the conceptual continuity of being dumb all over. As the holy days of Zappadan come to a close we must remember:

Those Jesus Freaks, well they’re friendly, but,

The shit they believe has got their minds all shut,

Eat that pork, eat that ham, laugh ’til you choke on Billy Graham,

Moses Aaron and Abraham, they’re all a waste of time,

and it’s your ass that’s on the line….

….

Do what you want to, do what you will, just don’t mess up your neighbor’s thrill

and when you pay the bill, kindly leave a little tip, to help the next poor sucker on his one way trip….